Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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