She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
