I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
