does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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