Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
