He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
