Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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