Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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