hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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