They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
