let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
