I wish I could punch you in the face.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
