I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
