a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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