So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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