hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
