remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
