Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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