Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
