I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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