You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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