White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
