i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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