so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
