I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
dude i'm inner monologue high
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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