but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
