he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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