I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You made out with two different species that night
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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