o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she told me i tasted like america
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
