I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
