hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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