I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
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