I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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