One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The struggles of a small town man whore
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
