I hope mine doesn't look like that
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
