Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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