I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
3pm strippers are depressing
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
