Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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