i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
