He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
