Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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