My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
