i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
