we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Liz is crying about burritos again.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
