He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
