so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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