if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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