She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize