I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i need some magic done to my vagina
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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