He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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