my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
