I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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