Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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