i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Randomize
