It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
