There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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