my phone cant type all the emotion im having
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
