Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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