Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I will pee on everything he values.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
