It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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