it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
