I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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