Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
