I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
