So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize