i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
