My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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