hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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