i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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