Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
