I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
