i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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