i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
