I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
