It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
