i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
