I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
