I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
