do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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