just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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