I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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