Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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