When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
