My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
