Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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