I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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