I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
