Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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